Jess Castle PhD answers a probing questionnaire.
What is your favourite virtue?
Not talking in the quiet carriage on a train so I can get on with reading.
What is your favourite quality in a man?
He doesn’t get in my way.
What is your favourite quality in a woman?
Anything so long as they’re not into Sex and the City or unicorns.
What is your chief characteristic?
I have an immense talent for cocking things up.
What do you appreciate most in your friends?
That they stick with me.
What is your main fault?
That I have very little patience with stupid questionnaires like this one.
What is your favourite occupation?
Easy. Being deep in the landscape, looking for clues about how people used to live.
What is your idea of happiness?
Moose, my dog, at my feet. A mug of tea within reach. Lying on wet grass in the middle of a stone circle.
What is your idea of misery?
To be stuck in a pub with my best mate, Mary, while she pulls, one by one, all the eligible males in the vicinity.
If not yourself, who would you be?
Queen Guinevere of Camelot
Where would you like to live?
Basically, anywhere but Castle Kidbury. Or, maybe, Castle Kidbury. I’ll get back to you on that one.
What is your favourite colour?
Who is your favourite author?
I hear M.B. Vincent is very, very, very good.
Who is your favourite poet?
Whoever wrote these moving lines I read on a toilet wall:
Here I sit / Broken hearted / Paid a penny / And only farted.
Who is your favourite fictional heroine?
If it’s fictional then it didn’t happen. if someone didn’t happen, you can’t admire them.
Who is your favourite fictional hero?
Isn’t that the same question with trousers? I’ll tell you who it’s not. It’s not bloody D’Arcy, the one everybody chooses. Although, now I come to think of it, he’s a little like Rupert … so, yes. D’Arcy.
Where and when were you happiest?
As a child, with my mum, in our garden. Doing nothing. Just being.
How would you like to die?